Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
