Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
