Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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