i permit you to call me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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