I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
