Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
