I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize