The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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