i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
