Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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