to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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