Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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