what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
