I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
