I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
