Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
