Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
