before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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