Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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