I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
