Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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