I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
