everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
