My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
