You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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