: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
