false alarm. still invincible.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
