Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
