So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
