I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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