I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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