did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This is the high leading the old right now
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
