some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
