i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
