He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
