Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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