i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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