i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
