Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
