im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
