We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i now understand why vodka
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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