trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
