I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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