hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
