I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
