if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
