hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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