so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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