The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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