just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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