i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
