If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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