I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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