FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
