There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
