Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
