There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
