making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
